Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
