my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
