well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize