She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
