i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
