if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize