my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i believe in u and ur pee
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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