Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
