You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
home. puking in laundry basket.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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