The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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