I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
