I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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