I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
