The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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