last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
