Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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