Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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