remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
