Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
