Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize