just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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