she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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