someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
