You can't special order awesome
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
