If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
