Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
