We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
