so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
