Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
