see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Drake has all the answers
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
