sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
