meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
