walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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