i may or may not be watching the land before time
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
