I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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