Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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