and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
