No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
