Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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