Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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