The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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