GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
