you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
