Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
