I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
