he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
