I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
