Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
