**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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