I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
