i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish you could order shots online.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
