i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize