Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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