can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
