so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
