Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
