I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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