my vag is so smooth its legendary
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
