why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize