he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
