Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
