Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
