He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
