It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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