What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
