Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom said you looked used
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize