Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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