Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize