You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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