put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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