i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love having hate sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
