you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
