We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
