Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
