My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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